Last night I went straight from work to my tiny apartment, straight into my pajamas, dove straight into a tofu and veggie wrap, and then straight into bed with a chocolate chip cookie to watch television until I fell asleep. Sound boring? Not for me....it was absolutely perfect, and I was happy to do it alone...because being lazy and sitting around on a weekday is something that SHOULD be done alone.
Last night my boyfriend went straight from work to a bar downtown to watch the Red Sox, and have wings and beers. For him, it was absolutely perfect...and he was more than happy to do it alone. In my personal opinion this is something that SHOULD NOT be done alone.
I can never understand why he likes going to bars by himself. I would feel so self conscious sitting at a bar alone, drinking alone, watching other people be together. My boyfriend explains that it doesn't feel alone at all, that he feels part of a group when he watches a game at a bar, he talks sports with the other patrons, eats wings, and buys rounds of drinks.
Today when we compared stories about our respective evenings, I asked him if there were things he was better at, when he was alone. Personally, I know that I am better off food shopping, clothes shopping, bookstore visiting, commuting to and from work, and being sick by myself.
He told me that there was nothing that he does alone, that he wouldn't enjoy doing with someone else. That whether he was alone or not, he felt exactly the same. He did what he wanted to do, and it was the self-fulfillment that he enjoyed, and he was also welcomed the people he cared about to come along for the ride.
This may seem like a rambling post....but I came to the conclusion that I want to be more like him. There are nights when I want to see a movie or have a drink, but don't because I would be alone....and there's still a teenager that lives inside of my head that wonders "if I went by myself, everyone would look at me, and what would they think?"
I want to build the confidence to be able to do what I want to do, to do what would make me happy in the moment and enjoy my own company. I want to understand that being myself should be fulfilling enough, and to stop caring what people think about me.
And just like my boyfriend, I would always welcome the people that I love to come along and join me for the ride.
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1 comment:
I think part of this is, as you have alluded to, a gender thing. A woman at a bar alone - whether to grab a beer, or watch the game - is often not perceived the same as a guy doing the same thing.
I go to movies alone lots - it's an easy "by myself" activity to try. After all, how much chatting do you do during a movie anyway? ;)
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