On Love....

Yesterday, I went to the Paris movie theatre in Manhattan, to see the film "Paris, je t'aime."

To quote the formal synopsis:

"Paris, je t'aime is about the plurality of cinema in one mythic location: Paris, the City of Love. Twenty filmmakers will bring their own personal touch, underlining the wide variety of styles, genres, encounters and the various atmospheres and lifestyles that prevail in the neighborhoods of Paris. Each director has been given five minutes of freedom, and we, as producers, carry the responsibility of weaving a single narrative unit out of those twenty moments. The 20 films will not appear in the order of the arrondissements, from one to twenty, but rather, in a pertinent narrative order, initially unknown to the audience."

This was one of the most interesting and moving films I've ever seen. 20 different takes on what love is, how it feels, how it's played out, and how it effects us in different ways.

As I watched the movie, I started to think about my feelings on love...the things I love, the people that I love, and the way that I love.

Love scares me because I don't know how it's supposed to feel. Everyone says that when you are in love you'll just know it...that it will be easy. But I'm not sure if that's true.

I know that some love is easy...the love I feel for my parents and sister...I know what that looks like. I remember my grandpa had a stoke when I was in high school, and I went to see him in the hospital when he was dying...I laid in his bed, and put my head on his chest...I held his hand...I remember that everything inside of me ached and ached.

As I lay there, I thought to myself, "this is what love feels like."

I remember when I was 22 years old, I moved into my first apartment to live alone for the first time. That night, I lay on my new bed, in my new place that I had paid for with my own money ...I stared at the ceiling and I thought, "this is what love feels like."

I remember what it felt like to realize that I was an adult. I remember how I was filled with sadness and happiness at the same time. I looked in the mirror and realized I really liked the woman who was looking back at me....I looked at that woman and I thought, "this is what love feels like."

For all of my life, love has been something that I've felt on my own...I've never shared it. It scares me to think that I could make a mistake, and use the word "love" only to find out later that I was wrong. What if I think I'm in love, but I just confused my feelings? Once it's been said, it can't be taken back. It scares me to give that piece of me away. I'm afraid that if I give it away, I will have nothing left for myself.

How do you feel about love? What does it feel like to you? Is love something that's easy to give away, is there an endless supply?